Well, here goes. 

This morning I started doing the P90X Legs & Back, that was nearly impossible for me just in the beginning.  I kept at it, I think the first twenty minutes of the P90X Legs & Back Dvd turned into a fast forty five minutes, since I just couldn’t get the balance lunges down, but I had to keep at it.  So there I was back tracking, studying, and watching intently to make sure I was doing things to get the most burn from the exercise.  The hard part for me was that I just couldn’t keep my balance, yet it looked so easy that I just couldn’t give up and let myself move on.  So I worked at it, more and more, and then finally I worn myself out just from that first forty minutes trying so hard to get my balance, to perfect what looked so utterly easy but turned out to be something so much more difficult.  And that was just the first exercise, there was still another easy forty nine minutes to go. 

The other exercises, for the first time, just wiped me out half way through.  I found myself able to do them somewhat but it was just that first exercise that really is stuck in my mind.  You’re talking fifty minutes of an intensive leg and back work out the likes I’ve never seen.  My friend, he’s ex military, and right now he’s training to go back to running marathons, but still I don’t think even he’d have an easy time keeping up.  I still am getting my ass kicked just in the beginning with the warm ups, I had to pause that just to get through.  Come to find out, that the air conditioner had been turned off this morning, here where I am the weather with humidity felt like a nice 104 F [or 40 C]  I had to recoup and gather myself.  I drank lots of water, to re hydrate but still found it hard to go back at it again, I mean after the beginning part of the work out, the balance lunges then to the squats was just hitting me hard.  I kept hitting that pause button, and I found myself able to make it to the thirty minute mark, but that was about it for me.  To be whole heartedly honest, I can’t do the Ab Ripper X tonight, I’m just completely wiped out from the bit of leg work out that I did, yet I have other things to make note of that may prove to be just has impressive if not more so.

Yesterday, I did the Yoga X, and then after that I went to help a friend move.  It was hard, it was hot, and I just kept at it, I was determined to see them moved.  I pushed myself hard, my arms were still hurting from their work out but, I felt stronger, I felt able to handle heavier weights, I found myself breathing heavy and exhausted but I still moved some heavy stuff.  It was a hard move.  Something that everyone reading should perhaps know is that I use to be a self harmer, and that took such a toll on my body.  Its something that I try hard to ignore, but its something that is proving to be a pivotal reminder in just what I can do, and while its proving to be challenging for the things that I just can’t seem to do – Yet !   I am trying hard to be normal, to lead a relatively normal life, and as much as I want to be treated normal I find that in my own mind I can’t seem to let go of the fact that I am just not like everyone else.  I think the thing thats really sticking out in my mind is that my friend’s brother was there, he helped a bit, but when I got there – I decided that I’d take my long sleeves off since it was so hot, and I forgot that my arms the scars on them tend to change colors has the blood flow in my body increases due to exertion.  I didn’t really care since I was there to help a friend, yet, the way that he looked at my arms staring, and then it moved to casually glacing at them.  I couldn’t help but think that I somehow made him uncomfortable, that somehow I was responsible for his premature departure from helping yet, then I am reminded that given a chance he’d have left anyway.  I guess I’m sorry for being slightly depressing tonight, but I can’t help reflecting in my writing, this is a place where I can talk freely.  I took to blogging about the P90X Work Out System, but has we spend the next ninety days together I can’t help but feel that I don’t want to just simply be an adovcate for a work out system but rather I want to be a person who you can all tell is working hard at changing not just my body, but my mindset – that I am trying to grow has a person to overcome obstacles.  I want you to know that I am human, just like you, I have complications, I have my challenges, I have my obstacles, and trust me – I will overcome them, I am starting to find out that P90X gives me the tools to get my body in shape, but its the mind that really needs to be sharpened since it requires dedication, it requires motivation, and most of all – it requires great people who take the time to read the blog, to take the time to write, to take the time to share with me your experiences, and mostly to share yourself with not just me but the rest of the world who comes across these words of OURS – they aren’t just mine, it takes us all to make this community, and I am glad to be able to share in it with all of you. 

Once again, thank you all for taking the time to read my review, and to read my rant. 

With Great Respects,

James

Ps. Be Well, Be Well To Others & You’ll Be Great !